so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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