That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
