Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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