Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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