You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
