i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
