i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
