all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
