She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
