Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
