Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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