dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
