I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
