I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
birth control should be required to get into college
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
