dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
