I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
