I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
