some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
