Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
