if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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