no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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