Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
