No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
