Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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