How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
