I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
