He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
