hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
