Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
