If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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