We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
