New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
