even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
