Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
