***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
