I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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