..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
