Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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