I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
