you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
