So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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