Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
