final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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