There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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