don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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