Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
