i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
