seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
