Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
