mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
